My First Vision Board

 I made this in Canva in June 2022. Really like it. 

Arrival

 How did I get here? I don’t know for sure but I’ve finally arrived! I think I was always searching but I wasn’t sure for what. And maybe I didn’t even know I was looking.

I know a few days ago I heard this song - it was a love song. But while I was singing it I wanted someone to sing it to me and then I WAS singing it to me. I was imagining what it would feel like to love yourself that much. I wondered if I could love myself so much that I could be my own best friend - my own lover - my confidante - my cheerleader. The song was I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz:

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars

I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
I'm still looking up

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough (I am tough) he knows (I am loved)
We got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

So much to tell . . .

It’s pointless to try to update everything since the last post. So - here’s the TL:DR version - disillusioned by Mormon Church, two suicide attempts, countless panic attacks, unhappy, dissatisfied in my marriage, faith crisis, hours of therapy, DBT, asked my husband for separation in February 2020, resigned church membership in March 2020, pandemic, sell the house, move to an apartment, divorced in March 2021, changed my name in April 2021, happy.